Beyonce (amongst a few other things..)
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I wrote the following after a day of seeing people talk a lot about Mental Health and depression after the wonderful actor Robin Williams passed. Many whom shared their own touching experiences, and many whom used it as a opportunity to brag about how amazing they are or how it is something you can “get over”. It’s not that easy, and below is how I feel at least 3 days a week. It’s not as easy as “getting over it” or “it will get better” - I’m sure it will, and I’m here for your positivity, but it hasn’t got better in the last 6years, so why will it now?
Having this constant need to cry and be over emotional. The headache never leaves, you just sort of learn to ignore it until you can’t ignore it anymore and you find yourself in a bathroom, bedroom or behind a wall crying your eyes out to release all the emotion quick enough so nobody will notice. Then you’re ok for a while. You sort of let it out and you’re stable again. Until it happens again. It could be five minutes, five hours or five days. Like the calm before a storm. Will the storm be a light bit of rain with a rainbow soon or will it be a tsunami of sadness, not knowing where or why it came and there is nothing you can do to control the shaking, the worrying or fear and you can’t think of anyone to call despite having a phone book of numbers bursting at the seams. Why would you want to burden them? They don’t care. Sure, they say they’ll be there but they’re only going to gossip about you once they leave. It’s a mess. You can’t trust anyone. You don’t want to burden anyone. They’re all busy. Not as if I have cancer or I’m dying. I’m weak and I need to man up. That’s what they’ll say.